Carmen, Much Loved Dog

Carmen, our 12 1/2 year old dog, was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in mid-April. Last Monday, she went into cluster seizures. The vet was able to stop the seizures with drugs but warned me that if she convulsed again despite the drugs, it would be best to take her to an emergency pet clinic and ask for her to be euthanized. I spent that night on the floor sleeping next to her so I would be sure to awaken if that happened. At 3 AM I felt her body moving across her bed. She was convulsing. It broke my heart to see it. But, thankfully, the vet had been very clear about what needed to be done. I wanted her to go as gently as possible. Henry said good-bye to her there. He kept asking if I was sure because she looked ok after the seizure had ended. I was absolutely certain because I had seen her convulse 3 times within an hour during the day (the last time on the floor of the vet's waiting room). So, I drove her to the emergency clinic, all the while reciting the lines I could remember from one of my poems (because she had seemed to raspond to it once on a trip to Tahoe. "On sunlit days, I swoop over white edges with arms outstretched, my puny wings. They fly me through the clouds, into clear azure and I am sure of my feet underneath me. That was the only section I could remember, so I recited it over and over. I had called the emergency clinic so they were expecting us. After filling out paperwork, they put me in a room with her. I started to cry very hard and she looked up at me as if it distressed her, so I stopped. She was all that mattered. The vet gave her an overdose of anesthetic and she closed her eyes. Henry and I held each other through the night. We are both in mourning for the loss of a member of our family. But what a gift she was to us and vice-veraa also. We only knew her for 2 1/2 years but she taught us so much. We are grateful for every minute of our life with her.


 From Homeward Bound Rescue (the sanctuary where we found her):



 Here is a photo of Carmen: